The Constant Struggle

She’s still constantly struggling with her humanity and being the monster she knows she is now. Weeks have passed, and yet again she’s continuing her struggle with not killing or taking a life, but as of late, she has no desire to torment prey even. The humans laugh at her, and they do not know that she could kill them in a blink of an eye. She grows stronger during the days, as she ages. But she also notices something else that others don’t. Her skin even though semi-tanned, it hasn’t changed in the time she’s been embraced. She thought if anything it would become paler as she aged, but it hasn’t. Shrugging it off and walking away from everyone for the time being. She begins to wonder what exactly is she doing anymore. Her madness has driven her to edge and back time and time again. Again she’s plagued by memories, and smells, and places she once wandered through aimlessly. Thinking back to everything that has happened to her over the months,years, etc. It’s all still to fresh in her memory plaguing every thought with something vile and evil. Who is she kidding? She is evil and vile. So she walks down a darkened road with nothing but the darkness surrounding her, and those painful memories plaguing her. She lowers her head and continues to walk down this path alone. For she is always alone. Human’s don’t want her around, and Kindred don’t know how to take her. She’s a strange one for sure. Plagued with everything. At one time she was seeking something, now she doesn’t seek anything and is about to toss her humanity out the window and say fuck it all. She stops in the middle of the road, takes out a pack of cigarettes and lights up one. Inhaling it and feeling the smoke fill her dead lungs, she slowly exhales and a smug smile forms across her lips. She no longer cares about finding others like her, nor a companion. She’s decided to live this cursed life alone and in the solitude of the shadows. She takes another long drag and begins to blow smoke rings. Perfect circles and each one smaller than the last one. Flicking the ash from her cigarette she looks at the lit end and wonders to herself, “Do Vampyr’s feel pain?, Can they scar their skin?” Contemplating this for a moment longer she decides to let it go. She’s hungry and that beast is coming to life once again, and she’s so exhausted from fighting it, and keeping it suppressed but this is what happens when she does not feed for a few days. She takes one last drag off the cigarette and flicks it into the night air. Watching it go up high and then fall to the earth, and walks away thinking that it is how I see myself. Forever conflicted with everything around her, inside her mind, realizing she’s undead, and that she can’t die unless she stops feeding. Again she thinks of this thought, and even though it’s becoming a struggle she decides it’s time to feed. Only this time she is not settling for one human, No this time she will take the lives of 3 humans.

She walks back into the lighted streets and sees a group hanging around conversing with each other and as usual she’s in black, her favorite color anymore,and easy to hide in the night shadows. Switching her eyes from green to black, to conceal herself even more. She approaches them without them noticing her, she laughs silently to herself that this is becoming to easy. Being able to sneak up on her prey and they never see it coming. Standing there for a few moments and then decides to switch her eye color back to green again. They notice her finally after 10 minutes of standing in the shadows listening to them fight over childish things. The male against the wall notices her first, and smiles at her. She smiles back and he then says,”Well if this isn’t a pleasant surprise we haven’t seen you for months, and damn you look great Shad, so what have you been up to?” Laughing she tells them, “Oh nothing good, just avoiding the haters, and etc. in life,What about you guys?” Malachi laughs and says, “Nothing much watching these losers fight over the better video game, and etc. You know our same old shit.” They all laugh, and made room for her to stand among them. Ray looks at her, and says,”Damn , you look good, what have you been doing besides avoiding the haters?” Sighing she replies back, Nothing much, made a new life, got rid of an ex, and been raising the dog still. My same old shit. Also looking to restart up a new VTM Group eventually, or just continue the same old story telling mode that I’m good at. Laughing they all agreed, “Those were the days, us sitting around a table, and you sending us on those stupid damn quests to keep us from being bored.” She turns her head and looks away briefly and decides it’s time to fight the hunger for a moment longer, they have no idea what is about to happen, and with her newly acquired power, they won’t remember it either. Then again society won’t know what to do either. They all start to make sounds and she has them tuned out, concentrating on her new power, she begins to probe their minds, and read their thoughts, wanting to know what they really think of her.

Soon she finds out and decides the time is now. So looking back up at them, she says, “Hey you guys wanna come crash at my place for a bit?” They are standing around freezing and say,”Yeah why not, we haven’t been around for a while, and need to get the new hype on what’s what and what to do now.” She walks away first and they all run up to keep up with her. She’s thinking to herself so you guys, really seen me as a pathetic waste of human life. Ohm that is okay because unlike you , I will still be here when you are long gone, and no one will find your remains. She turns the corner and they are back to her one of many places, a place she sometimes takes others, so they do not know where she truly lives, it’s a friends pad, and they are out of town for awhile. Due to holidays and etc. She unlocks the door and they enter after her, Mal closing the door as he’s the last one to enter. They all take a seat on the couch, and chairs, and she walks over to the massive wall unit stereo system and turns on the CD player she loaded earlier when she stopped. Mal and Ray look at her and say, “Whoa!, you don’t listen to rap anymore?” She laughed and said,”Nah, I went back to Hard Rock/Metal.” Song playing first was what caught their attention and fast. They had all heard of All That Remains and didn’t know what to make of it. So they heard this song “Stand Up” and liked it.

Smiling to herself she knew this was going to be an easy kill for a change, as once she got their attention with music, the rest of her plan would follow. It had been 8 years since they all hung out together like this, and she was pleased to see this was a plan she came up with, and that it would be carried out as she had hoped. So as they all sat around talking, and joking  with each other like she was not even there. She walked over to the window and opened up the thick velvet blood red curtains, and revealed the last effects of the full moon that was still visible. Watching there reflections in the glass she realized that none of them had even noticed she no longer casted a reflection in the glass, even though she could if she wanted, but she didn’t want to. She no longer pretended to be human, yes she might have looked human, but she was no longer human. Not for years has she been human. Malachi stretched and yawned. Then said, “Shad what do you for fun now?” Smiling to herself and feeling her fangs extend themselves, she ran the tip of her tongue over them, and felt how sharp they were. Shaking her head, and said, “Oh you know me, a bit of this, and a bit of that.” Ray spoke up next, and replied with,”Just like you Shad, to be so damn cryptic, never revealing what you do or anything much like our story telling days. You always had us guessing at what it was you do all the time even when we weren’t in character for Vamps.” She smiled, and concealed her fangs and said,”Well you guys know me, a good story teller never reveals much about their plans, thoughts, and etc.” Standing in that room with them she could hear their blood, and smell that sweet human blood. She decided now was the time to put her plan in action.

The song flipped on the premade CD she brought with her earlier, it now began playing “The Veer Union” Once the song started, she was working on the mind tricks she’s been learning over the last few weeks. Perfecting them just for this time.

They are enjoying the music she has picked for tonight and none of them realize this will be their last night alive. She will not even offer to turn them into vamps, this time she will just take their lives, and as she brings each one closer to death she will drop the masquerade and let them know what they have done, and why she’s doing this. She smiles at them, and this time they are looking at her, and see her fangs, and start to become uneasy, she laughs at them ,and conveniences them they are cosmetics and they are glued onto the others that were originally there. Sighing a bit of relief they begin to relax again, but suddenly they can no longer move. Looking at her, they ask this,”What the hell is going on here Shad, We can’t move anymore.” Laughing at them she says I know. It was in the bottles of beer you just consumed. They were laced with a paralyzer. Then they all fell silent, and she walks up to the first one she picked to feed on tonight. Crying he goes,”Please Shad, don’t do this to me, I did nothing wrong to you, I’ve always been on your side.” Placing her legs over each of his, sitting on his lap, she smiles, and says, “Oh you lie so well Pete, you’ve always been the liar, even in the game you were the liar, and why because I made it easy for you to lie your way out of everything. Sadly though, you couldn’t even tell the truth out of character either, so you’ve seen me as an easy mark, one you thought you could take full advantage of, and then toss me off to the side. “ Smiling she knew he was busted, as though words of deception came from his lips, he couldn’t lie in his head. Tilting his head, she exposes his neck, and sees the blood pumping through his veins, that dark blue blood knowing oxygen hasn’t it to turn it red yet. She opens her mouth, while sitting in his lap, sinking those fangs into his soft flesh. Feeding and draining him down fast. She smirks as she continues to feeds as she feels him getting an erection, and stops for a moment, and says,”What’s this, knowing you are going to die, yet you get an erection?” Letting him answer, he replies, “Well yeah, I can’t control them, and in a way I find this hot as hell, and a turn on.” Sighing she feels his heart beat slowing down knowing that one last drink and it will be his death. She stops, looks him in the eyes, and then places her hands in the right place and snaps his neck. Licking her lips, she stands up and sighs, feeling that rush of human warm blood in her body, warming her up again.

She then walks over to Dan, who now is sobbing like a baby, and she just stands there laughing at him. He looks up at her and pleads with his eyes to her. She smiles, and says, “What would you like to be the last one?” He shakes his head  NO, then speaks, “I don’t want to die, but yet I do not know what I could have done to upset you.” Sighing, she sits in his lap the same way.Placing a finger under his chin to life his head to look at her in the eyes, and says,”Dan you did nothing, I just never felt a use for you, you would look at me like I was beneath you and you loved to talk down to me like I was a fucking child.” Sighing he knew she was right. He never showed her the respect she gave him, and yet she kept him in the game as well. The next song that would play was “Art of Dying”

Placing her hands on his shoulders, she looks at him, and says,”You are all perverts. You haven’t seen me in years, and yet knowing you are dying this very night, you have an erection. I could make your dying wish come true, but I no longer care about that anymore. Yes while it may be sexy and etc. It’s just not something I’m giving to a group of assholes like you.” Dan looks at her and says,”Please what about my family, they will not understand the marks you’ll leave on my neck.” Laughing at that, she says,”Oh I’ve already taken care of all this. Do you think tonight was a chance that I ran into you all?” Shaking her head, she leans closely and smelling his blood through it all. She sinks her fangs into his neck and devours him without a second thought. Draining him hard and fast, stopping before his heart stops that final beat, and lets him die right there. Standing up licking her mouth again, she turns and looks at Malachi the one she saved for the very last, leaving him in a river of torment as he watched his friends die before his eyes. He looks up at her, and says,”If you’re going to kill me , then just fucking do it , and get it over with already.” She straddles him and says,”Oh what you don’t want to know what it is you’ve done that I feel the need to exact this vengeance on you?” Smiling he says , I know what I’ve done, and I’d do it again because in the end you are nothing more then a sadistic fucking whore that deserved what you got.” Sneering at him, not even taking the moment to smell his blood, she clicked the last song to play on the cd. “Escape The Fate”

Jerking his head to the side she sinks her fangs into his neck and quickly and with such speed drains him fast. Leaving him go limp in front of her. She feels his erection as well, and laughs because that will be the way he dies with an erection and never getting relief from it. She hears him cry out as his last breath is taken, she then stands up and looks at all three of them and laughs that she finally has had her revenge on them all. Picking up the bodies, and tossing them into the basement of the house that was purposely built with a dirt floor. She muttered some words, and the floor opened up. As if digging a grave, and she tossed all the bodies into the pit, and stood there, watching it engulf in flames. No smell, no smoke, no odor, not even remains will remain after they are burnt to a crisp. Sealing the floor back up as the flames have finally died out. She turned and walked back up the steps, turning off the stereo,removing her custom made CD, shutting the velvet drapes, turning off the lights. She walks out the door and closes it, as it closes it locks and the alarm gets turn on. She walks back into the shadows with a satisfying look on her face and a smile. This was an easy night.  She pulls a cigarette from the pack and lights it up and takes a long hit off it, and walks down the steps, and descends back into the shadows again. The constant struggle with what she is at a close for now. The beast back asleep in its cage, her blood lust finally quenched for the time being. She knows the time will come again that this beast is awaken again and will cause her to do the same all over again. Sighing she no longer cares, and will continue to fight this side, and keep that humanity she has inside her. Walking back home where her faithful wolf awaits for her. Looking up into the night sky and sighing as the clouds have taken away her moon light. Retreating to her home , her true home………….